Crannóggy Island

  An emergency cabinet meeting at Number 10 reportedly lasted six hours after someone accidentally unplugged the only remaining opinion poll showing Keir Starmer was popular (in the Falkland Islands). Witnesses say the prime minister attempted to restore order, but was drowned out by Animal shouting ‘EVERTHING IS FINE!’ while Beaker presented a 97-slide PowerPoint entirely made of panic noises. Kermit has allegedly been tasked with explaining why everything is actually going according to plan. Meanwhile, Downing Street insiders insist morale remains high. Miss Piggy is understood to have demanded three resignations before breakfast, Fozzie Bear is handling media strategy (‘Wocka wocka, Burnham is no good!), and Gonzo is in charge of revising the government's policy priorities (benefits, benefits, benefits). Officials deny claims the government is now being run entirely by the Muppets, although one aide was heard to admit: "In fairness to the Muppets, they usually rehearse fir...

Introduction What a Christian makes of Mary reveals more about his theology than almost any other question he can be asked. This is not because Marian doctrine is central to the Gospel. Catholics do not claim it is. The disagreements about her turn out, on inspection, to be disagreements about almost everything else: the nature of Scripture, the authority of tradition, the scope of redemption, and the communion of the living and the dead. Indeed, Catholics themselves have not always presented Marian devotion well; exaggeration and romanticism can obscure what the doctrines are meant to protect. For many Protestants, Marian doctrines appear to have little biblical foundation and are an elaborate edifice built on human tradition rather than Scripture. For Catholics, these doctrines are grounded in Scripture, illuminated by apostolic tradition, and developed across centuries of theological reflection. Most Protestant challenges are not disputes about individual texts. More often, they a...

  "Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heav'n"   (Satan, Milton's Paradise Lost) Introduction Before the serpent, before any human being drew breath, or any garden was planted, something turned. That's the question this essay sits with. Not why evil exists in some abstract philosophical sense, but how the very first act of rebellion was even possible. Lucifer, the tradition tells us, had no excuses. No tempter whispering in his ear, no passion clouding his judgment, no ignorance to hide behind. Pure spirit and intellect; created good and held in grace, and yet, at some point in what we can only call the morning of creation: non serviam . I will not serve. The human fall has contextual factors. There's a serpent, there's embodiment, there's the particular vulnerability of creatures who learn gradually and can be deceived. When Adam and Eve make a wrong choice, we can see contributing conditions. But Lucifer strips the problem to its bones. His ...

  "For the Son of Man came to seek out and to save the lost." (Luke 19:10) Introduction Having considered previously how grace and freedom coexist under divine foreknowledge and how that grace is intimate, sufficient, and suited to each soul, we must now ask about eternal damnation. Some objections to hell arise from anger or wounded experience. The most serious arises from love: the refusal to believe that the God revealed in Jesus Christ could eternally abandon a creature He made and died for. This objection is not sentimental but theological, and it has been pressed by serious minds across the centuries. Gregory of Nyssa envisioned a final universal restoration (apokatastasis) in which all rational creatures would ultimately return to God after purification. Origen had earlier proposed a more systematic universalism that included even the restoration of demons, a position later condemned at the Second Council of Constantinople (553). Gregory's more cautious hop...