Memory Lane - Captain Blofeld's Blogging Almanac

By

Cap'n BadBack Blowers perches in his Crow's Nest.
His weathered eye always open.
With cutlass, spyglass and pirate headband, he is on constant watch.
Alert, scanning the Holy See for Buccaneer Dodo and his mateys.

Cap'n BadBack Blowers sounds the alarm

  Fowl play? 
Fowl play!

The game is afoot, dear communicants. 
*chuckles* 

Captain Uncle Brian did Parlay

"In answer to your first query, I wasn't consciously quoting, or even alluding to, any other source." 

Was I Bilge-sucking or are ye three sheets to the wind?

"Why do you ask? "

Was the captain 'Hornswaggling'

"Am I missing your point?" 

Blimey!

"And in answer to your second, 

I was born and brought up in the C of E but am now, 

and have been for nearly twenty years, an "RC" "

I be not in possession of 'Letters of Marque'

 

"But my views on denominations are not divisive, quite the opposite." 

Savvy? Your Grace

"I tend to see the churches as one Church. 

Wherever two or three, and all that." 

We all being in possession of pieces of eight

"Some people swim the Tiber, 

others cross Lambeth Bridge, 

and there are even some who go canoeing in Lake Geneva."

All hands Ahoy and Batten down the hatches!

"But we are all brothers and sisters in Christ."

Blow me down! It be a veritable blood brotherhood

Your Grace said

"Your IP address was not available"
Perhaps the fellow is withholding it 
so he can download the directors cut of Mel Gibson's 
The Passion of Christ from the pirate bay, 
without getting annoying letters from those chaps at the anti-piracy group FACT..Arrrr

"this blog is assaulted daily by a nuisance"

 There be a plentiful bounty on his head for those that spot the blog buccaneer!

"who creates multiple identities" 

He be scalawag and a master of disguise like Commodore Clouseau

 but his parrot leaves feathers all over His Grace's blog

"and trolls every thread" 

deserving of the cat o nine tails and a short walk on the plank

"constantly banging on about the deficiencies of the Church of England 

and the perfection of the Church of Rome." 

He refuses to belay and He be in the employ of His treacherous 

Eminence Cardinal Richelieu and seductively assisted by his Scrumpet, Lady Cressida de Winter

"Each new incarnation is being summarily deleted, 

which is tiresome."

His Grace be sick of sending him to Fiddlers Green..

Next time he be made to dance the hempen jig, 

Keelhauled and a killick attached to his nether regions for good measure...

He not be survivin' this. 

There be no Sweet trade for those plying their trade on this ship.

.AAARGGGHHHH. 
Yo-ho-ho

Dodo the Buccaneer observed

"That be a dangerous pirate, that Dodo.
Keelhauled he were, by Admiral Cranmer and his motley crew.
Only man I ever knew that were keelhauled, and lived.".. 

*chuckles*



Explanatory Note 

For those unfamiliar with the Cranmer blog back in 2013, this covers a period when 'Dodo' was banned and using various IDs to post on the site - much to Adrian Hilton's annoyance. Old Blowers had a great time - as did others - spotting these. 

The above covers Uncle Brian's first visit to the site (now Ray Sunshine). By now Adrian was suspicious of all new showers. 

Comments

  1. Gadjo Dilo20 January 2023 at 06:43

    I don't quite understand this (maybe because I stuck too close to my desk, never going to sea, and yet still expect to be a ruler of the Queen's Navee).

    Was The Dodo keelhauled by Cranmer? And his 'motley crew'?He seemed to be allowed to express his views there, which was what the thing was all about. But I am willing to be enlightened.

    Some us also swim in Lake Zurich.... and get drownded!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy Jack20 January 2023 at 15:38

      See above explanatory note added to the article.

      Delete
    2. Prof Generaliter20 January 2023 at 17:11

      I remember when I first started reading Cranmer your Happy Jack ID was just being exposed as the detestable Dodo. Mr Hilton was not pleased and had to be persuaded to leave you be.

      After all these years I'm still surprised so many people asked that you could stay 🤣🤣


      Delete
    3. Gadjo Dilo20 January 2023 at 18:54

      Ah, OK, as clear as mud! I wasn't around on Cranmer that early on and missed all the fun. Cranmer ran his blog well, but good that you persisted.

      Delete
  2. 雲水20 January 2023 at 11:34

    I see Jack's parish has been using the 'special' incense again...

    Meanwhile, I was shocked to read this:

    NIGERIA accounts for 89 per cent of Christians martyred worldwide, according to latest report on global Christian persecution.

    The Open Doors World Watch List 2023, released on Tuesday, January 17, said out of the total of 5,621 Christians killed for their faith during the reporting period, Nigeria recorded 5,014, marking the country as one of the most dangerous places “to follow Jesus”.

    Lord, have mercy.

    If Mr. Welby wants to help in Africa, might I suggest that this should be the sort of thing he concentrates on, rather than virtue signalling his guilt away with other people's money?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Prof Generaliter20 January 2023 at 22:06

      👍

      Delete
    2. The Way of Dodo21 January 2023 at 14:21

      Cheeky git ....

      This concerned the second 'expulsion' after the vote and first return. Cranmer welcomed Dodo back but I misbehaved again was summarily dismissed. After numerous false IDs, 'Happy Jack' appeared and his cover succeeded until Carl called him out. However, this time Cranmer permitted me to stay.

      Delete
    3. 雲水21 January 2023 at 17:49

      Eventually, it's easier to allow a persistent feral cat into the home where one can keep an eye on it, than to keep it in the garden where it wrecks the flowerbeds and breaks in anyway...

      Delete
    4. Prof Generaliter21 January 2023 at 19:06

      Ah yes I remember it well,

      Of course you're not the only one, Linus had multiple personalities. I wondered why it took HG so long to ban him.

      Delete
  3. Anonymous20 January 2023 at 13:34

    Hey.... is that Ernstie calling Lady Cressida de Winter a strumpet? If I get hold of him I will pull his ears (hard)....Where is he anyway? Special Incense? What is Lain suggesting? Sounds very Greek orthodox to me rather than Catholic.:) Beer kegs are more in line with Catholic culture.. If Welby wants to sort Africa out....send Ernstie....but keep him away from the hospitals:) Signed
    Cressida

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy Jack20 January 2023 at 15:39

      Fun times ....

      Delete
    2. 雲水21 January 2023 at 17:57

      What is Lain suggesting? Sounds very Greek orthodox to me

      There's a reason our Liturgies are so long!

      Delete
  4. Ray Sunshine20 January 2023 at 15:39

    The redoubtable Ernst Stavro Blofeld, no less, amazes us with a surprise comeback as the villain in Double-O Dodo versus Captain Pugwash.

    Hello again, Ernstie! How refreshing to hear from you again after all this time. And where on earth did you dig up that ancient manuscript, dating back to the dim and distant past when I was posting at Cranmer’s as Uncle Brian?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy Jack20 January 2023 at 22:10

      No, it was Happy Jack who reposted above from a blog he (Dodo ran at the time. There'll be a few more to come in the future.

      Delete
  5. Ray Sunshine20 January 2023 at 20:36

    Jack, was that really in 2013, ten years ago now? At the end of 2009 my wife and I moved out of the big city into the countryside, settling down in a place where there was no internet at the time. I suppose our first internet provider must have arrived on the scene in 2013, though it didn’t last and we were briefly left without a connection once again until a second outfit took over in about 2016. Prior to our move I had been posting at Cranmer’s for a year or two as Hank Petram. When I rejoined, here where I’m still living now, I became Uncle Brian, but that only lasted until we lost the internet again for a short time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy Jack20 January 2023 at 22:07

      On checking, it was March 2014. Blowers had posted the original on Cranmer and 'Dodo' put it on his blog. Here's Old Blower's response there at the time:

      E.xtra S.ensory Blofeld + Tiddles
      7 March 2014 at 21:43

      Me dear Commodore
      Harrr! Well sink me and blow me down with a barnacled yardarm
      Ye be given that old sea dog Cap'n BadBack Blowers a big head and that be no scurvy dog tale.

      This post be the reason why my Roger is now so Jolly this day and I be not dancing with Jack Ketch just yet, Matey! There be no doldrums for ol' Ernstie to wallow in whilst he has Blog maties galore!!

      What Cap'n Blowers is in dire need of tho' is a good clap of thunder courtesy of Captain Morgan himself. AYE.

      Ye be no Swab then, as yer Blog looks nicely 'Titivated' from it's spring cleanup, I sees ye be a keeper of your word and not a Squiffy!
      Fair winds to ye, my fine fowl and keep a weathered eye open matey! .
      Yo-ho-ho

      Delete

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