Post with permission from our resident Professor from his blog Parkinson's is not a journey
This struck a cord with Happy Jack who experienced two losses in very quick succession a few years ago. Change is a part of life bringing with it loss, regret, sorrow and grief.
Thank you to Clive for sharing this with us.
About 17 years ago, at an early music course I bumped into an elderly pupil of my wife. He was a pleasant, kind individual who loved to corner you and give you his life history. He could have been a bore but wasn't.
"You know the saying 'no one dies wishing they had worked later on a Friday', well it's true. I wrecked my life, selling my soul to the company and I wake up everyday and regret it.
It destroyed my marriage and alienated my son's who now have nothing to do with me."
I was sad for him. I smiled sympathetically, although Tbh there has always been little chance of me becoming a company man, I'm fundamentally too lazy.
”I worked all hours, weekends, I was forever away on company business. I was a fool" Clearly he was expecting me to ask, why? So I did.
"Because when they made me redundant, I found out that a co-worker who simply worked his hours, was only earning £2k less then me. Do you know I destroyed my family and sold my soul for £2k, what an idiot!"
When you are given a life altering diagnosis, like Parkinson's, you soon get around to re-assessing your future.
I had plans for my retirement. I was going to do voluntary work at a local charity shop. Take up hobbies. Like furniture restoration and start researching my family tree.
Then my diagnosis happened and time seemed suddenly to be running out. I'm not saying I'm about to die, but my physical capacity to do these things is time limited.
I felt, and still feel angry at the loss of my planned future.
I feel I've been cheated. My future stolen. After 40yrs of work, I looked forward to a new life, useful but stress free.
Giving something back to the community as well as developing new interests.
Instead I will be a parasite on others. Dependent and not useful, and I'm angry about it.
But was I also a fool? Ok, I didn't sell my soul to my employer, I rarely worked more than my contractual hours. But there are many other ways of being a 'fool'.
And having to live with regrets.
There are no guarantees in life and always planning for tomorrow and not grabbing the opportunities of today, risks never doing the things you want to do.
Grab today's opportunities, don't let them go to waste.
You my not get a second chance.
Within 2 years of the conversation with my wife's pupil, he was dead. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer too late.
I don't know if he was reconciled with his sons before he died. But I suspect he died regretting the Fridays he worked all those extra hours.
But maybe I'm being a bit unrealistic. Families bring responsibilities. You can't just swan off doing only what you fancy. Time is a rare commodity and at least I have a good relationship with my son.
We enjoy spending time together.
Maybe in life regrets are inevitable. But instead of focusing on what you regret, you should perhaps look towards what you can still do.
And grab those existing opportunities. Even with Parkinson's, there is still a lot you can do, even if only for a few years.
Je ne regrette rien?
Perhaps not.
I was sorry to hear of this diagnosis. My aunt suffered from Parkinson's, so I have some idea of its affects. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Clive.
ReplyDeleteThank you Bell, much appreciated.
DeleteI am so sorry to hear you have Parkinsons. Having a blog can be satisfying and give others pleasure and is not physically demanding.What is your blog address? I would like to read it. I found your story interesting. I suppose that poor man's story is not unusual. I read that medieval peasants had much more free time than the worker of today.Evidently the Church back then insisted on it. I think somehow you will find a way to cope with your suffering. You were always very nice to me on Cranmer....It's good to see you here...I am pleased you are married to a musician....it makes for a nice life ( I am told:) Thoughts and prayers.....Cressida
ReplyDeleteHi Cressida, HJ has put a link in his introduction to the post, see above highlighted in red.
DeleteYou were always an interesting read and an adornment to Cranmer which could otherwise be a bit grumpy old men
Best put the link up for those unfamiliar with hyper-links (is that what they be called?)
Deletehttps://parkinsonsisnotajourney.blogspot.com/
Thanks HJ you are quite right.
DeleteFor once!🤣
My step-father had Parkinson's and channeled all the energy he could muster into getting funding for specialist Parkinson's nurses in his area. Now he is gone - after many years of coping reasonably well on a huge range of tablets - his son continues the work. (After losing his faith, he also channeled the energy he had once utilized as an Anglican vicar into trying to destroy Christianity as much as he was able, but that's another story). Enjoy and be thankful for every day, Prof Clive, I think that's the ticket. Thank you for sharing this with us!
ReplyDeleteGadjo Dilo wrote this (on my other phone, which for some reason doesn't recognise me...)
Delete"After losing his faith, he also channeled the energy he had once utilized as an Anglican vicar into trying to destroy Christianity as much as he was able, but that's another story"
DeleteA story worth sharing with we Crannognites at some point? No pressure!
Such bitterness comes from an anger that breeds despair; looking backwards, not forwards. It's like Clive's friend in his article focussing on what he'd lost, not what lay ahead. One prays your stepfather resolved this and that Christ forgave him.
@GD Parkinson's is a strange disease. It can have very different affect on different individuals. And sadly for some people the symptoms can be severe. Hallucinations, severe pain, dementia and crippling anxiety and depression. Others are not so severely affected.
DeleteBut you are right you need to take each day as it comes.
Jack is very kind with his suggestion! I'm thinking of a way go turn a very personal tale into one of general interest, but as it involves "old chestnuts" such as living in the Holy Spirit (or not) and The Argument for God from Morality, I guess it could be something.
Delete@Prof,
DeleteYes, my step-father always used to say that everybody gets their own individual version of "Parky".
There is growing evidence that. What we currently call Parkinson's is not one disease, but a group of related diseases and that in a few years we will be speaking about a number of desperate diseases.
DeleteSigh, seperate not desperate 😭
Delete@ GD
DeleteJust keep it simple - without the theological issues! A tale of a man who turned his anger towards God, rather than trusted in Him.
@HJ,
DeleteI was thinking that it might be time to get this blog competing with Ed Feser, but OK!
Ha ... the poor man has to make a living!
Delete@ Jack - trust and anger are two sides of the same coin.
DeleteIndeed they are - as is hope and despair.
DeleteAs are obverse and reverse.
DeleteDearest Clive, I can feel your frustration and anger in your post. There isn't much I can say that doesn't sound trite, because these aren't my struggles and it's easy to offer platitudes from the sidelines. I would only say that being useful isn't defined by your physical abilities; your son was dependant on you both for many years, but you wouldn't have called him useless or a parasite. And you are neither of these things, nor will you ever be. As long as there is breath in your body, you can love, pray and be there for those you love and that is the most useful thing on all the earth.
ReplyDeleteAs for regrets (I've had a few), I believe that we all do the very best that we can at the time in the stage of life we're in. When we look back, of course we'd do things differently - sometimes very differently - because we're different people now. But the path we've walked has led us to where we are today, and it was the only path we could have walked. We grow more, I think, when the path is rocky than when the path is smooth. Dōgen-zenji called life shoshaku jushaku, which means 'succeeding wrong with wrong' or 'one continuous mistake'. This is the path to wisdom. We learn very little from doing the 'right thing'.
As ever, you are in my prayers. Pray also for me, a sinner. God bless you.
Thank you Lain for your kindness and your prayers, both are much appreciated.
DeleteYou have a remarkable breadth of knowledge. And understanding.
You are right of course, a person's worth isn't measured by their ability to be useful. I suppose the truth is it's about independence and dependence. The loss of one and the replacement by the other.
You will be in my prayers.
Thank you for your prayers, I need all that I can get!
DeleteI don't know if it's useful, but it seems important to me to hold on to the fact that being dependent and being burdensome (or parasitic) aren't the same thing. To be alive is to be dependent on others - for none of us exist in a vacuum - albeit what that looks like changes throughout our lives. And ultimately all things are dependent on God, in whom we live and move and have our being.
Being useless or a burden is a judgement we pass on ourselves, based on some criteria we feel we have to meet: I don't think that your family will ever see you that way. It's easier said than done, but I wonder if there might be enough challenges ahead without adding those thoughts to the pot. As you said in your piece, enjoying what you have now is important. Regretting what the future might hold is as helpful as regrets from the past.
On the subject of medical questions, has anyone seen or heard anything more about Archbishop Cranmer aka Adrian Hilton? It's been nearly five months since he said on Twitter that he had been diagnosed with a very serious, though unspecified, condition.
Deletehttps://twitter.com/Adrian_Hilton/status/1641878587488849931?cxt=HHwWlsC-uYr4j8ktAAAA
He's very much alive, well and still very active on 'X' these days!
DeleteThank you, Jack. That's good to know.
DeleteWas it an accident or was Prigozhin's plane shot down on Putin's orders? A video here, courtesy of the BBC:
ReplyDeletehttps://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-europe-66597449
Or was he not on the plane at all
DeleteWas there even a plane?
DeleteThe aircraft was an Embraer Legacy. That means that both Embraer and the Brazilian government have the right to take part in the inquiry. Neither of them has said anything yet about sending investigators to examine the wreckage. Let's see what happens.
DeleteHe died when he scarred up to Putin. He just didn't know until today.
DeleteProf Clive, this just appeared on the BBC website. I expect t's probably something you already knew about.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.bbc.com/news/health-66604155
There has been talk about this for years now. I think what's new is the information refering to the appendix and the correlation to having one still or not.
DeleteI think it's quite interesting.