Love and Marriage
So, this year my dear spouse and myself will have been married for 46 years. Overcome by an overwhelming romantic feeling, I searched the internet and, unusually for HJ, had a special card printed ready to surprise her.
Unity through Communion
The painting below is by Anja Rozen, and was drawn when she was a 13-year-old school student in Slovenia in 2022. It’s title is “Unity”: "My drawing represents the land that binds us and unites us. "Humans are woven together. If someone gives up, others fall. We are all connected to our planet and to each other, but unfortunately we are little aware of it. We are woven together. Other people weave alongside me my own story; and I weave theirs." The poster is being used for a call to global interdependence; to recognise the need to care for the earth and for one another. It’s popularity is growing with all the conflict playing out across our world at the moment and the climate challenges we face. One admires the skill and vision of this child as an intuitive and innocent call. A call for collaborative decision-making processes within our divided world and for greater unity with an emphasise on collective action, dialogue, and shared responsibility. Whilst this...
Congratulations to both, and a hearty "well done" to Mrs Jack for putting up with HJ all these years.😁 There is no traditional 46th wedding gift in the Anglosphere, but apparently, in Latin countries it's pearl or mother-of-pearl.
ReplyDeleteBeing a modern man, HJ will stick with poetry and daffodils.
DeleteOne didn't have HJ down as a Morrissey fan!
DeleteCongratulations. Hope you both enjoy something special to celebrate the day. ......Cressie
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to Happy Jack and Mrs Happy Jack, it's a fine achievement!
ReplyDeleteGadjo
Congratulations! Mrs Jack deserves quite the reward! 🥳
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to you both, Jack!
ReplyDeleteMarch 1979 ... that was just a few months into the St. John Paul II pontificate and a few weeks before the general election that led to the Thatcher years. In retrospect, in many ways it turned out to be the beginning of a new era.
There's truth in the saying: The fish is the last to see the water."
DeleteThe 1980s flew by for Mrs Jack and HJ - building a home, raising children and developing a career. It was a time when HJ, in his thirties, had to shed much of the accumulated 'dirt' from the 1960s and 1970s. It wasn't until the 1990s, following his arrival in Scotland, that he began to gain some wider perspective and priorities.
We married for a second time in 1989 as our first "marriage" in an Anglican Church was not valid according to the Catholic Church. This only came to light when we were seeking the baptism of our third child.
Did they say why they wouldn't accept your first marriage?
DeleteYes, because there was no Catholic priest. In fact, I had been excommunicated (latae sententiae) even though I'd acted in ignorance! The bishop's approval was needed both to lift this and also because Mrs Jack had not been baptised. So, all in all, something of a knot. I explained to the priest that our promises were made before God, were understood and seriously meant. However, as he said, canon law is canon law and is there for a reason. In fact, we both found the ceremony had greater depth after 10 years of marriage - my daughter was the bridesmaid and my eldest son the best man.
DeleteMeant to add, if we had requested prior permission from my bishop beforehand this marriage would have been accepted as valid - provided I gave a public commitment to my Catholic faith and to do all in my power to raise our children as Catholics.
DeleteAh, so was that because you were baptised Catholic? I have some vague recollection that Canon Law has different rules for getting married outside the Church depending on whether you're Catholic, a baptised Christian in another tradition, or unbaptised. I've known plenty of Anglican converts who've had no problem having their marriage recognised, but I suppose that's because they weren't bound by Catholic Canon Law at the time, as you would have been as a baptised Catholic?
DeleteIt's interesting that you found more depth in the ceremony after having lived a married life for a decade. I do sometimes envy adult converts who receive baptism. It's such a meaningful sacrament, but one that most of us never get to experience, ritualistically, at least.
That's correct. In the Catholic Church, unlike the Orthodox Church (I think?) it is the couple who are "ministers" of the marriage sacrament, not the priest. The function of the priest is to ensure the proper elements of the sacrament are present. That's why annulments are possible.
DeleteThe Catholic Easter Vigil service involves a renewal of our baptismal vows - it's my favourite Catholic liturgy.
Oh yes, I'd forgotten that the couple, uniquely, are the ministers of that sacrament. You're correct that this isn't the case in the Orthodox Church, which is also why the marriage service contains no vows. The sacrament is comprised of two rituals: the Rite of Betrothal (where rings are exchanged) and the Mystery of Crowning (where the marriage is recognised), which would historically have happened months apart, but which are now usually conducted together. They're supposed to mirror baptism and confirmation.
DeleteThe Crowns given to the couple are said to represent triumph over unbridled lust (Chrysostom) and the crowns awarded to martyrs (as marriage is a complete giving of one's life to another: martyrdom in both senses of a form of sacrifice and of witness). The Church does offer Crowning to married converts as a way of blessing the marriage, but it's not compulsory, the marriage is 'baptised' into the Church along with the converts.
I wonder when and why the East and West began to differ so radically regarding the form and understanding of the sacrament of marriage. I presume that Eastern Catholics follow the Orthodox form - but wouldn't that mean that the priest has a completely different function in the Eastern and Latin rites?
We also have the renewal of baptismal vows during Pascha, and my confessor encourages me to view every confession as a renewal of them, too. I think they're probably something Christians in general should be encouraged to reflect on more often.
I've always thought the Orthodox marriage liturgy is truer to Genesis and the Gospel than Western rites, However, I do struggle with permission been given for second and third "non-sacramental" unions.
DeleteI think that there's an unfortunate view that the OC 'allows' subsequent marriages, which it doesn't. It holds marriage as insoluble, but recognises that there are cases of pastoral need where the Church can use its power of binding and loosing to allow the couple to release their bonds and, if they must, remarry (although the expectation - if not always the practice - is that one shouldn't, it's supposed to be an exception).
DeleteI don't think that anybody would deny that some marriages are beyond saving - through domestic violence, adultery, abandonment or whatever. The sticking point is the question of entering into another union (particularly for the partner who is not at fault), for those who need to be married (1 Cor. 7,9). St. Basil the Great, for example, felt that a man who's wife had cheated on him would be 'pardonable' if he remarried, but that it would be 'with reluctance' that the Church remarried him. St. Paul allowed for the dissolution of marriage between 'unequally yoked' partners - I think Catholic Canon Law also recognises the 'Pauline Privilege'.
Of course, this raises the question of what happens to the first marriage. The Church views the marriage as dead, and acknowledges that a second marriage is a less perfect version of marriage allowed out of pastoral necessity. For all practical purposes, the Catholic annulment process often serves the same purpose, albeit with the implication that the first marriage never existed. For example, annulments based on spouses entering marriage with the 'wrong intention' - not being open to children, not being committed to the bonum coniugum, which is a somewhat subjective test open to many challenges. I suspect that there many annulments granted thanks to the creativity of canon lawyers...
Second marriages are 'tolerated' rather than allowed and are penitential in nature. They aren't a true sacrament, but neither are they not a sacrament. In Latin terminology, they're something like 'a sacramental'. It's perhaps a messy and imperfect solution, but it's a messy and imperfect world.
Music for an Anniversary: Ivanovici: Donauwellen - YouTube
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4QfI1RAwrs
I had this in mind:
Deletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ch_Fz2Np-Z4
I guess this is the appropriate reaction:
Deletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsLRN0T2qQM
According to a comment “this is a typical Abruzzese pre-wedding song, the text usually changes, but at least you can laugh and enjoy how funny is not only the song itself, but how it jokes with the two people that are about to marry.”
Good laughter! Mrs J did giggle when I asked for 'Please release me" at our wedding reception. To live with HJ she needed a sense of humour!
DeleteJustin Welby was the Archbishop of Canterbury for twelve years. In all that time, what did he do that people might congratulate him for? What did he do that might prompt someone to say, “Ah, that was something that needed doing but it took a Justin Welby to get the job done.”
ReplyDeleteOr will he simply be remembered as the fixer who aided and abetted John Smyth in his long life of crime?
https://archive.ph/nRCG2
What did he do that might prompt someone to say, “Ah, that was something that needed doing but it took a Justin Welby to get the job done.”
DeleteI suppose it rather depends on who's saying it! I can imagine that there are quite a few powers and principalities who think that Welby did a sterling job.